Random rantings of a woman fed up with commercial media.

So. Yes, I have been posting a fair bit of feminist material and social commentary lately. Deal with it. Things have been happening lately to make me realize that I definitely do need to speak out more on the topic of beauty and its perception because not enough people are doing it.  I have tagged people in this note that I work with on a regular basis – photographers, models, body painters, makeup artists – because I feel it is vitally important that more people come to terms with these ideas.

My first point: beauty trends.

It’s fairly common knowledge that in earlier times (and I mean way back in history) that the curvier a woman was, the more attractive or beautiful she was considered. Look at the Venus of Willendorf.

The Venus of Willendorf is a striking image – she is based off of a woman who has had children, and most likely had fairly healthy pregnancies. This is one of the most common standards of beauty which continues even today in native tribes in Africa, South America, and Asia. In Africa, women purposely flatten their breasts – this is a trait that happens after having children and nursing. For the most part, all over the world, and throughout history, a woman’s beauty has been tied to her ability to have healthy children.  This includes the invention of the corset, as the wasp-thin waist in conjunction with wider hips is an indicator of fertility.  Even lipstick is meant to enhance the lips, as happens when a woman is in her fertile period – lips smooth and plump and flush. I could go on and on and on about all the products out there that relate to making a woman look like she is primed for mating, but then this would turn into a 300 page dissertation, when it’s really just supposed to be a rant-y blog post.

This new idea of beauty that magazines and the fashion industry crams down everyone’s throat is a contrived, artificial standards with no basis on anything. Even the modern pinups and Hollywood starlets as recently as 1950 were plainly healthy women. They ranged in size and weight and build and were still considered beautiful. Everyone’s familiar with Marilyn Monroe. Bombshell beauty? Yes.  Wilting flower? No.

In 1966, Twiggy burst onto the modeling scene. Androgynous, willowy, doe-eyed and stunned-looking. Not too surprising, since she was 16 when she got her start. Also, this is the point where we can begin tracking the thinning of models and the changing of the standard of beauty. I do not wish to blame Twiggy herself, but the fashion industry became obsessed with the wispy, spaced-out model from this point forward.

Unsurprisingly, as soon as it was deemed that “twiggy” (yes, that’s a pun) was in, women began aspiring to look like that.

You can guess where this is leading.

Point 2: Eating disorders, self-esteem, and body dysmorphic disorder.

The image above, although extreme and meant to illustrate the psychological aspect of anorexia nervosa, is representative of what so many people feel. Yes, I meant to say people, not women. The distortion of self-perception is prevalent in virtually everyone I have ever met – male, female, transgender, straight, gay, adult, child, and  adolescent.  One of my husband’s young cousins (age 11) recently came to visit us. I overheard a conversation he was having with my husband about how it bothered him that other people called him fat. An 11 year old child. I want you to think about that for a minute. Someone at age 11 is still forming their self-perception and identity, but other people want him to feel poorly about himself already. But again, that’s what is dictated to all of us through advertising and the emaciated standard of beauty that is constantly presented and impossible to obtain.

I’m going to drag my husband into this (for which he will most likely want to strangle me, but oh well). From the day we met to this very second that I’m writing this, I have continued to see him as the strong, handsome, wonderful man that I fell in love with. However, he feels unattractive due to his weight. I try to fight that every day and make him see and understand that I love him just as he is.

I’m not claiming by any means to be perfectly at peace with myself and my appearance – please do not mistake that. I have as many issues and skewed perceptions as the next guy. About 4 years ago, I weighed over 250 lbs., and have managed to take off a vast amount of that weight. Does that mean I’m happy? Of course not. I can sit and nitpick my body all night long – I have loose skin everywhere, particularly on my arms and torso, which renders me completely insecure if I wear a short-sleeved or remotely tight anything. I have cellulite on my thighs, stretch marks and scars. Though I no longer weigh 250 lbs., I still feel I am heavy.  I’d positively LOVE to weigh 30 – 50 lbs. less than I do now.

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine and colleague a few weeks ago on this subject. We were sitting in my garage, working on sculpts. We were having an in-depth discussion about personal demons – for him it was relationships and lifestyle issues. For me, the subject of my massive insecurity came up. As we continued along our discussion, he asked me if I had ever been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder.

“Body dysmorphic disorder is a type of chronic mental illness in which you can’t stop thinking about a flaw with your appearance — a flaw that is either minor or imagined. But to you, your appearance seems so shameful that you don’t want to be seen by anyone. Body dysmorphic disorder has sometimes been called “imagined ugliness.”” (Source: The Mayo Clinic website – http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/body-dysmorphic-disorder/DS00559)

This was the beginning of my awakening from my trance-like obsession with my apparent (to me) flaws and the so-called flaws dictated by current society and the high fashion industry. I thought of all the people I knew that were uncomfortable with their appearance – generally their weight – and all the people that had at some point confided their perceived flaws to me. “Oh, I have no boobs.” “My ass is huge.” “But I have stretch marks.”

To me, these were all beautiful people – some of them models, some of them colleagues, some of them family. I didn’t see anything wrong with how they looked, and still don’t.

I had a long conversation with one of them just Wednesday night. I had asked her to come be a body paint model for the Last Thursday Body Paint Showcase I had been asked to participate in. She kept telling me she didn’t think she had the body type I was looking for, that she thought she was too heavy. She even sent me recent pictures of herself to illustrate her point. I eventually got the point across to her that I didn’t have a specific body type, that if someone had a body they could be body painted, and would she please just say yes already? She agreed to come down, and at 1300 on Thursday, we started painting. She was a bit shy at first, and definitely a bit out of her comfort zone, but the most glorious, amazingly wonderful thing happened when it was her turn to introduce herself to the massive crowd that had gathered in our area. The crowd roared with applause. Not just clapped politely, but exploded. Here was a woman, a mother of two, who was unafraid to show herself to the world as she was.

But one negative thing happened after that – as she and another model were walking through the crowd, she told me that someone yelled that she was “too fat for body paint.”  Too fat for body paint? Who is allowed to judge another human being’s decision to be put into body paint? Who can dictate that someone is unattractive? It’s such a personal opinion, yet society and other people continue to force their opinions down everyone else’s throats. And another thing to consider – what you say to someone can have a lasting impact. If you tell someone something about them enough times, eventually  they believe it.  Would you rather lift someone up or break someone’s spirit?

One of my favorite photographers once told me “You don’t have to be a size 0 to be beautiful.” I took that to heart, and it got me back into a photo shoot for the first time in a year. And you know what? I felt fantastic at the shoot.  I still prefer to be behind the scenes than in front of the camera, but it was the little boost I needed. Everyone needs one now and again.

Husbands/boyfriends – tell your partner how beautiful they are, man or woman.

Parents – tell your children you love them just as they are. It doesn’t matter how old your children are. Keep doing it, even if they’re adults.

Models – you’re beautiful, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Revel in your “flaws,” for they are what make you unique and stunning.

Photographers – continue to capture beauty in all its forms, from small to extra-large.

Mothers – remember that every stretch mark is a sign that you carried a life and brought it into this world. Be proud of them.

All of you – everything about you is what makes you You. Never despise it, always cherish it, because if everyone was exactly the same, the world would be incredibly boring.

Cat

Elan

Klari

Dino

Kelsey

Yours Truly